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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.