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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her