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I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"