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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.