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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.