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I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.