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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you