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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
drinks well with others.