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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt