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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.