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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
I grew up for this?
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.