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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.