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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.