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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?