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No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.