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My innocent look never works in the nude.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it