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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen