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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.