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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."