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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.