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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?