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When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.