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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.