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"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.