Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.