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I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like