Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.