Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?