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I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.