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Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
My memory foam has amnesia
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.