Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?