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In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.