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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M