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I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
They should make Vodka ChapStick
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.