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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Hard butter is the devil.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.