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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.