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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.