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You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is βact natural, youβre innocentβ.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-