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Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
I need new swear words.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.