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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.