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My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I`m perfect you adjust.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.