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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.