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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I put the hot in psychotic.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.