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Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.