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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!