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If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.