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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
Some people should come with subtitles.