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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.