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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.