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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
A wise man, will often say nothing
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time