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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.