Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.