Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."