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Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
about love
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.