Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.