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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs