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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?