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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
exercise........you mean extra fries
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Long story short, I love summaries
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.