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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.