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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party