Daily Silly Status

A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.

I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor

It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.

I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............

I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.

"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny

I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.

I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.

I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"

I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.

I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?

I’m not crazy just the voices are!

At least a stalker is there for you.