Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?