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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.