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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
I need more people like me in my life
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!