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Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?