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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.