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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
Worry: a waste of imagination.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
I wish I had a friend like me
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.