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"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
I only accept apologies in cash.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.