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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.