Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Word for the day is asstard
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful