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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …