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Today one of my colleague told...... Buddy let get into serious studies... exams are on our heads.... And then both of us continued to chat with other people on fb for hours
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
If Iām not eating Iām most likely not happy.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.