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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."